Showing More Than Telling
how to master the art
So, you are an author wanting to engage your reader. That’s terrific! Engaging your audience is an excellent way to make them feel connected to your characters and have them flipping through your novel's pages. Showing more than you tell is one fail-proof way to ensure this happens.
Here are some tips on showing vs telling:
Use your senses!
It’s easy to get trapped in the play-by-play of everything going on, and often, our first drafts look more like a screenplay than a novel. When you are going through edits, you want to paint the scene.
Example:
Instead of, “Elaine walked into the room. Cheryl was on the other side, looking back at her.”
Try this: “A blast of air hit Elaine as she stepped across the threshold. The smell of violets and roses floated on the air, and chandeliers hung from the ceiling, their light casting shadows on the ivory walls. One shadow in particular landed on Cheryl, who stood on the opposite end, shoving cakes into her dainty mouth. Her icy blue eyes pierced through me.”
Keep your characters in movement
Have you ever read a scene where the characters sit still the whole time? How did you feel in those moments?
It is often that we feel as though these moments stagnate the conversation and storyline in any given book. Keeping your characters moving, even with small movements, will help the story move forward and keep your reader engaged.
Example:
Elaine watched Cheryl unpleasantly.
“Do you mind?” Cheryl said.
“Do I mind what?” I couldn’t help the sharp edge of my tone.
“Not staring at me like you would eat me for dinner.”
“I’m afraid if I did that, Cheryl, I would be hurling the remainder of the night.”
While this version conveys that these two women hate each other, your reader may ask, “Why do I care?” Here is an updated version that gives the scene movement:
Elaine watched Cheryl with her fists clenched at her sides.
“Do you mind?” Cheryl spun, scoffing at her.
“Do I mind what?” I couldn’t help the sharp edge of my tone. My nails dug into my palms, my only hope at holding in my hateful words.
Cheryl’s breath found my ear as she leaned in, “Not staring at me like you would eat me for dinner.”
I jerked away, my teeth grinding. “I’m afraid if I did that, Cheryl,” I spit her name like a curse, “I would be hurling for the remainder of the night.”
She stared me down before turning on her heel and stomping toward the balcony, directly toward my husband.
Glancing down at my still-clenched fists, I noticed red tears dripping from my hands, a tell-tale sign that she had gotten to me.
Here, we notice that while Elaine tries not to allow Cheryl to get to her, she’s clearly more infuriated than she lets on, and we can tell this by her barely restrained rage. However, it appears that rage was taken out on herself and wasn’t really as restrained as she thought. It adds a new element to the animosity between these two characters.
Trust your reader
While it is important that you, as the author, know everything or at least enough to weave in some foreshadowing, you do not have to spell it out for the reader.
I like to imagine this is a game, like Where’s Waldo or a crossword. Let your reader find the letters. Let them look for that white and red outfit among the crowd. They will find the clues and string them together, or they’ll get enjoyment out of not seeing the twist coming!
If you get to a point in your manuscript where the twist doesn’t make sense, that just means that you need to add some more foreshadowing, which is a pretty easy fix with the help of a great editor!
Use dialogue to weave in details
Oftentimes, characters divulge information through their conversations with other characters. This will also give the narrative a natural flow.
Example:
Cheryl walked through the balcony’s open doors.
“I’m so sick of her!”
“Darling, you really shouldn’t let her get to you.” His voice rattled something inside her, sending butterflies to places she’d rather not think about.
“Do you even know how hard it is to be around her?”
“Yes, I’m married to the woman.” He growled.
“Charles,” Cheryl cooed, her arms snaking around his midsection. “You’re tense. Let me help you.” She gazed at him from beneath her eyelashes, and his shoulders fell slightly.
“I think I’d like that very much. Wait ten minutes and then meet me in the garden.”
By including this bit of dialogue, we can take away a few things:
Cheryl is having an affair with Charles
Charles doesn’t want people to know about it
Charles doesn’t love his wife
Charles also doesn’t like women questioning him
Cheryl handles tense situations with Charles by utilizing her femininity
You can give away a lot of information without directly mentioning it. This helps develop your storyline and character arcs.
Show MORE than tell
You can still tell sometimes!
A good balance between the two is what dictates a good story. However, some genres will do one more than the other. For example, thrillers will show much more than tell due to the need for more foreshadowing and leaning on your reader to connect the pieces.
I hope this little crash course helps you in your writing journey! If you are in need of editing services, please visit my website, oakanddaggerediting.org, for more information on services!